Communication & Mutual Problem Solving

 Welcome back to my blog this week!

This week’s focus on communication and mutual problem-solving was both enlightening and deeply personal for me. It brought attention to an area I recognize as needing improvement—especially when it comes to relationships. I’ve discovered that I am a people-pleaser, a trait that often hinders my ability to make decisions or advocate for what I truly want. I tend to shy away from expressing my own needs, fearing conflict or disapproval. Reflecting on this, I asked myself a critical question: why is communication so important? To better understand this, I made a list of reasons why developing strong communication skills is essential in fostering meaningful connections.

One key reason is the ability to ensure others can accurately interpret your message. Misunderstandings often arise when messages are unclear or when elements like sarcasm are misread. Your words, tone, and non-verbal cues are just as important as the content of what you’re saying. For instance, adopting a standoffish tone or posture can cause the other person to become defensive, depending on the context of the conversation. Effective communication involves being mindful of how you’re perceived and how your delivery can impact the outcome of interactions.

Another important insight I gained from the class was recognizing how approaching a conversation defensively can almost guarantee a conflict. When you enter a discussion expecting opposition, you’re more likely to misinterpret the other person’s intentions and react negatively. This realization has helped me understand the importance of entering conversations with an open mind and focusing on active listening rather than solely preparing my next response.

By analyzing these aspects of communication, I’ve gained greater clarity on its vital role in relationships and personal growth. This self-reflection has also reinforced why I believe being a people-pleaser is not the healthiest approach, especially in decision-making and problem-solving. For example, in past relationships, I often left choices—like where to eat or what activities to do—to my boyfriends because I feared conflict or disappointing them. While my intentions were good, this habit stemmed from my reluctance to assert my own needs, which eventually led to miscommunications and arguments. I’ve also noticed that this challenge seems more common among women than men, as women typically face societal pressures to prioritize harmony over expressing their preferences. Meanwhile, men seem more easygoing in these situations, though this varies by individual.

Through my experiences, I realized that my hesitation to make decisions was affecting how I communicated, creating unnecessary tension. The strategies we learned in class have been instrumental in helping me reflect on what I need to change to build stronger communication skills and make more confident decisions. One particular method that stood out to me is the E.A.R. approach, which stands for Empathy, Assertiveness, and Respect. Empathy involves the “disarm technique,” where you identify something truthful in what the other person is saying, step into their perspective, acknowledge their feelings, and paraphrase their words. Assertiveness focuses on using “I” statements to express your thoughts and feelings without placing blame on the other person. Respect, or “stroking,” involves maintaining a respectful attitude even when feeling frustrated or upset.

Another practical strategy discussed in class involves structuring your communication with clarity and intention. The layout follows this framework: When (situation/event), I feel like (emotion), because (thoughts/reason), and I would like (wish/hope). Using this approach creates a space where both people feel heard, reducing defensiveness and fostering better dialogue. By incorporating these techniques, I hope to cultivate healthier communication habits and move away from the tendency of being a people-pleaser.

This past lesson was one that I took to heart and I hope that I did it justice in this blog for everyone else to read. I have a quote that was shared in class from Ephesians 4:29 "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.". If there is anything that you take away from my blog, let it be this scripture, and know that there can always be improvements in communicating with someone you love.